13 June 2010


I think it is fair to say that to review a film and give an honest opinion of it one should see the film first. Or one should be able to sit through most of it from beginning to end. I rarely use fast forward. I find many moments that some people would use FF to be curious and worth at least one watch. If I use FF then the film - for me anyway - is going to be something I will never see again nor could  I recommend it  to anyone. And I am also aware that one man’s feast is another man’s famine. What I may like is not going to appeal to everyone else and what someone else goes gaga over may leave me bewildered at best. But there is a category of film I have been running into regularly that is so amateurish and basically shitty that I am finding myself fast forwarding as much as I can with nothing in mind but the intent to come here and pan the film. These so called films are usually super no-budget independent tripe shot on video camera and featuring no name casts directed by no name directors. This type of film has always sort of existed in the horror genre and some have become camp classics. But what I am seeing lately is nothing but exercises in no talent and bad taste. These may be the kind of little things that would be fun for the makers and their friends to sit around and watch while getting stoned and drunk and having some laughs. But I do not find myself laughing and I have to admit that this is a first for me; a review of a ‘film’ – actually a video tape – that I could not watch because it was so bad. I just could not do it. Life is too short.

I got the movie from Horror Charnel and the cover looked interesting enough with a gargoyle monster on it. I thought it might be sort of like an old made for TV film I remember called Gargoyles with Cornell Wilde which was a good little movie. As far as I could tell there was not one damned Gargoyle or Goregoyle or anything similar in Goregoyles. I remember one scene with some gal all covered in entrails and doing some sort of Satanic ritual. I saw some short scenes of the host Uncle Vicious and figured this is some sort of series. I found out later it was and I think the screen caps I put together in Photoshop Image Ready are from another part than the one for the DVD cover I used. This is the cover for the two films I had. Maybe I had parts one and two together. Who knows. Who even cares? I deleted them and hope they are burning in video/DVD Hell for all eternity. Bad script. Bad direction. Bad acting. Bad photography. Bad audio. Bad effects. It would simply be beneathe me to watch this turd all the way through. I wasted at least five minutes of life with fast forward to just get out this warning. Not sure who could enjoy this and wonder if anyone saw this and has even a little say in its defense. You are welcome to post your view here. I will not argue or debate with you. Anyone who would defend this movie is not someone I want to make angry. 

I'm pissed off and want you to die too!!!


1 comment:

  1. Stonerphonic: I should ahve learned my lesson from Asian videos/DVDs that the cover is often much more enticing than the contents. Of course I am not expecting anything super great but this thign was unbelievable. I actually thought though it was going to be okay. Live and learn.

    Ghidorah: Right. And lets be be honest, I did not pay a single cent for the movie so what am I out. we have discussed a little before about how a bad movie can be fun to watch and write a scathing review of later. But once in a while we encounter something is not what we were really in the mood for. I think that this one has a place at your site however to be honest. You are a braver man than I when it comes to this sort of thing :)